


sunflowers in memory of you

by wearetheonlyone



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Angst, Character Death, F/F, F/M, Hanahaki Disease, Hurt/Comfort, Love Confessions, Sunflowers, Unrequited Crush, Unrequited Love, thasmin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-24
Updated: 2019-03-24
Packaged: 2019-11-29 02:35:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,979
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18217031
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wearetheonlyone/pseuds/wearetheonlyone
Summary: Ever since the Doctor first laid eyes on Yaz, she knew that she was special and would go on to be someone absolutely brilliant- and she was: she was brave, gracious, smart and beautiful. She had fallen for the woman, and hard. But then she notices follows in her mouth as time goes on.(Hanahaki Disease AU)





	sunflowers in memory of you

**Author's Note:**

> okay for context i wrote this at like,,,, 1am in like an hour so I don't actually know if it makes any sense but I know it's not good

It had been like this for so long now- the days blurring into years slowly as her concept of time faded in front of her eyes, despondent. Every day it happened to her, leaving her on the brink of death had it not been for her respiratory bypass and she cursed her own biology for leaving her like this. All she could remember was that it returned stronger each other and it started after New Year’s day 2019- back when everyone was so young. They were older now- Yaz and Ryan both approaching their late 20s while Graham was at least in his late 60s, hell, even she looked older now.

Ever since the Doctor first laid eyes on Yaz, she knew that she was special and would go on to be someone absolutely brilliant- and she was: she was brave, gracious, smart and beautiful. How could she not fall for the other woman? The truth was that she had fallen for her, and hard, and there was nothing she could do to change this nor would she want to- just one look from Yaz made both of her hearts swell and her face flush brightly before she even had a say in the matter. She has accepted this, and everything was fine, peachy, dandy.

Until it wasn’t.

It happened when they were travelling on a new planet that not even the Doctor had been to herself- the planet itself was beautiful, like a resort with bright colours spread across the sky that resembled a rainbow with grass that was like lavender against their thighs. As they were sat by a river, she broke into a large coughing fit, her lungs burning and her eyes tearing up as she pressed her mouth into her palms. What scared her was when she saw a small sunflower resting in her palms.

_  
“Hey, Doctor, where’d you get that sunflower from? It’s beautiful, I _love_ sunflowers,” asked Yaz politely, leaning her body closer to the Doctor’s to see the flower and the Doctor cursed under her breath._

_“Oh! Just found it in my pocket is all! Nothing to worry about!” she had replied cheerfully. It was definitely something to worry about but she just prayed that they would believe her excuse and move on.  
_

Since then, it only got worse. At first, it was only one or two flowers each day which was bearable and easier to deal with since she could just stash them in her pockets until later or wait until her fam had gone off to bed to cough up the flowers. Her ship had tried to calm her, tell her to pursue Yaz or to even go through surgery to make her forget but the Doctor refused it all- part of her just nagging that she _deserves_ the pain, _deserves_ the torture she has to endure.

The days passed one by one, slow and mundane yet speeding and jam-packed at the same time, sometimes she didn’t know if a day had even passed. The flowers continued to become worse, near suffocating, and it was then that she decided she would tell Yaz how she felt- praying that the other woman would actually be in love with her and that the flowers would be lying.

_  
“Doctor, didn’t you know that me and Ryan have been dating for a few weeks now?” asked Yaz, concerned but also confused._

_“Dating?”  
_

Her confession only made things worse for her. Now she couldn’t face Yaz and the flowers increased now that the other woman’s feelings were clear and unobtainable. At this point, the Doctor wasn’t even sure if her lungs were functioning with how many sunflowers she could feel tickling her throat from the inside.

They had caught her one day. They caught her crouched over in the console room, heaving and coughing as sunflowers of various different sizes spilt from her mouth, soaked in a dark orange liquid that could only be assumed to be the Doctor’s own blood. She was shaking like a startled lamb and tears spilt from her eyes uncontrollably- and she brushed the whole ordeal off as a _’bad illness only Gallifreyans catch’_ and that it’d _’be gone in a few days’_.

Unfortunately, they had believed her.

She had managed to keep it hidden somehow since then- it was a miracle, really. It could have just been Graham’s old age cursing his sight and hearing or the fact that Yaz and Ryan were more interested in each other than the planets they had visited. That was good in a way, supposedly.

By now, her lungs were completely sunflowers- only allowing her to take one breath for her respiratory bypass every few hours, and after that breath, she spent an hour trying to stop the flowers from erupting. A few weeks after being caught, she adapted to wearing a surgical mask around her face- claiming it helped her look mysterious and had scientific properties when in reality she had found it in a charity shop when they were in Sheffield.

Then Yaz excitedly ran into the TARDIS to tell the Doctor Ryan had just proposed to her and the Doctor felt her hearts crack in two. Her slim chance of being freed was shattered in front of her eyes. With a fake smile and a fake voice, she congratulated the two of them- offering to take them somewhere special for their honeymoon if they so wished to but they turned down the offer, instead of saying they were visiting the coast. A few weeks later a wedding invitation arrived.

Of course, the Doctor immediately changed into a nicer looking suit, complete with a bow tie and top hat for the wedding. They were her friends after all. When she arrived, she parked the TARDIS around the back of the venue as to not draw too much attention and entered through the main doors with the other guests, alone.

_  
“Doctor!” greeted Ryan with his arms open wide, pulling her into a hug that caused her whole body to stiffen. “It’s so good to see you again- we’re glad you came.”_

_“Yeah, well, I couldn’t miss out on my fam getting married, could I?” she replied cheerfully, her grin visible since the mask was missing from her face._

_“It’s gonna start soon- we saved a seat for you next to Graham”  
_

She had sat peacefully for their wedding, her eyes staring at the two of them- so clearly in love with each other- but she couldn’t focus. Her mind was elsewhere as her brain subconsciously tried to block the burning sensation from her lungs and she was only focused on how beautiful Yaz looked in her wedding dress. It reminded her of Donna which left her close to tears as Yaz and Ryan kissed in front of her- and what she wouldn’t give to run away with Yaz.

The ceremony ended and, as the guests quickly dispersed, the Doctor excused her to the TARDIS saying she had to do some rewiring- telling her fam that if they ever needed her, she would be only a few steps away. But the truth was that the memorises coursing through her mind were too much for her to bare and she could feel the sunflowers crawling up her throat, threatening to escape if she even cracked her lips apart.

She flung the doors to the TARDIS open, tearing the bowtie from her neck and throwing it on the floor to rot beneath the console and her top hat toppled from her head, crashing to the ground as her knees buckled.

Her body collided with the metal of the floor with the crash and a grated ‘oof’ and her hands flew out to grip at the panels almost invisible to the eye. Finally, alone, she opened her mouth, releasing thousands of bloody sunflowers from her lungs, swarming around her like a blizzard as they fell softly, almost taunting her.

She knew she couldn’t hold on any longer, the breath that she was taking would be her last, the breath that would finally rid the universe of the Doctor once and for all- which was something almost everyone wanted to see. Content, she dropped her body onto the ground entirely, her body being cushioned by the bed of flowers created by her almost like her own bed beneath her.

As her eyes battled against consciousness, she saw the familiar golden glow of regeneration energy creep onto her skin and she wondered when the pain would be over. Regeneration overtook her body quickly, sweeping her memories and her thoughts from her mind, burning her insides and replacing them with new ones.  


For one breath, they were free.

Then their lungs filled faster than they had before, spilling from her lips without them being able to breathe, quickly overtaking them like it had the past few years prior but all at once. Within seconds, they could feel their body begin to change again. And again. And again. Their body continued to change then rot quickly before they regenerated again- and they were caught in a loop until their time was up. Their regenerations had run out.

By the time the fam walked into the TARDIS, the console room was dimmed out of respect and mourning on the ship’s behalf to the point where it almost flooded with complete darkness had it not been for the light coming from the doors. They noticed the flowers that had poured from the Doctor so long ago scattered around the ground.

“Woah, she went a bit overboard with the flowers, didn’t she?” said Ryan.

“I cannot believe I am using my remaining power to communicate with all of you! I told my thief countless times that none of you could be trusted! But she always said you would be brilliant-” the woman paused, sobbing- despite her only being a hologram in front of them. “And look where she ended up because of it!”

“Uh.. who are you?”

“I’m the ship that is absolutely infatuated- no, that’s not it- infuriated with all of you!” replied the woman, her voice on the verge of yelling. As she spoke, the console around them shook and blinking lights rapidly.

“Hang on a minute-” began Graham, slowly.

“Are you the TARDIS?” cut in Yaz, abruptly.

The woman, however, did not answer her question and instead huffed before she vanished from in front of their eyes. As the three of them stood around the console room, the light from the door on their backs, they could feel grief and rage swarming around all of them but they didn’t know why just yet.

“We should probably find the Doc, yeah?” spoke Graham, attempting to move on from the concept of the raggedy woman.

“She said she was going to rewire the console so maybe she’s around there?” asked Yaz, pointing or vaguely gesturing to the other side of the console-the side that was shrouded in darkness and misery.

Together, like a herd of sheep, they all moved towards the other side of the console, Yaz unconsciously first. Instantly, they spotted the Doctor’s body lying on the ground surrounded and supported by the sunflowers scattered around the floor.

“Oh, looks like she tried to do some decorating then fell asleep-” were the words that had left the woman’s mouth just before a large barrier shot up from the floor suddenly, shocking all of them back. The barrier flashed dangerously, guarding the Doctor’s form on the ground.

“Yaz, I don’t think that the Doctor’s sleeping,” comforted Ryan, placing a hand on his now-wife’s shoulder, gently trying to persuade her to turn around.

Through the barriers of the fence, they could see a stranger’s face in the Doctor’s clothes staring off blankly, unmoving as blood had dribbled from their mouth and nose. But it was, unfortunately, unmistakeably the Doctor.

And she was gone.

**Author's Note:**

> I was gonna write more after this but I'm tired and gonna sleep straight after posting this  
> 


End file.
